I have decided that I want to do a post for myself on reflections of the last couple years of my life. I vowed to close that door and not go back, but I feel like God wants me to reflect. I think He wants me to see where I was, where I have come, and where I am going. So these reflections are for me. This first one is reflecting on how much things have changed in two years…
When I look back over the last few years I stand amazed. Who I am now. Where I am now. If you would have known me 2 years ago you would not have believed it was possible!
Two years ago abuse and pain from my past had settled into my soul threatening to break me. Two years ago my marriage was crumbling. Two years ago I was broken. I was so broken that I felt there was no fix. Depression had settled into every part of my being and the only thing I could think was that I wanted this to be over and I didn’t know how. So I begged God. Nightly. I begged him to please to please take me from this world as I slept. But He didn’t. You see His plans for me were far greater that I could even fathom from the depth of the darkness that had settled into me. And today I am so grateful for that. I am grateful for his love and His mercy. I am grateful that He knew that though this valley was low and my world was dark, He had a promise to lift me from that valley and place me on the mountain top and shine his light on my life. And I am so thankful. I am so thankful for the love that He breathes into my life. I am thankful that my marriage is being healed. I am thankful that I wake every day to the love of my children. God I thank you for it all. I know that I am nothing without You. I see You in all things. And I am so thankful that You are ever present. Thank You God for hearing the cries of my ugly heart and reaching into it and making it new and beautiful in You! Thank you God for knowing the plans You had for me. Thank You for knowing far more than I could comprehend.
While this is just a small testimony of God’s grace and mercy in me….I look forward to finding the words to share my reflections in a way that gives Him all the glory!