Reflections

I have decided that I want to do a  post for myself on reflections of the last couple years of my life. I vowed to close that door and not go back, but I feel like God wants me to reflect. I think He wants me to see where I was, where I have come, and where I am going. So these reflections are for me. This first one is reflecting on how much things have changed in two years…

When I look back over the last few years I stand amazed. Who I am now. Where I am now. If you would have known me 2 years ago you would not have believed it was possible!

Two years ago abuse and pain from my past  had settled into my soul threatening to break me. Two years ago my marriage was crumbling. Two years ago I was broken. I was so broken that I felt there was no fix. Depression had settled into every part of my being and the only thing I could think was that I wanted this to be over and I didn’t know how. So I begged God. Nightly. I begged him to please to please take me from this world as I slept. But He didn’t. You see His plans for me were far greater  that I could even fathom from the depth of the darkness that had settled into me. And today I am so grateful for that. I am grateful for his love and His mercy. I am grateful that He knew that though this valley was low and my world was dark, He had a promise to lift me from that valley and place me on the mountain top and shine his light on my life. And I am so thankful. I am so thankful for the love that He breathes into my life. I am thankful that my marriage is being healed. I am thankful that I wake every day to the love of my children. God I thank you for it all. I know that I am nothing without You. I see You in all things. And I am so thankful that You are ever present. Thank You God for hearing the cries of my ugly heart and reaching into it and making it new and beautiful in You! Thank you God for knowing the plans You had for me. Thank You for knowing far more than I could comprehend.

While this is just a small testimony of God’s grace and mercy in me….I look forward to finding the words to share my reflections in a way that gives Him all the glory!

Happy Birthday Christopher

Today is your 12th birthday! I can’t believe how fast you have grown and what a big guy you are these days. I am so proud of you and the young man you are becoming. I am so thankful that God gave you to me…who would have thought I was worthy of such an amazing gift. Entrusted with such a big responsibility. Or maybe it was you who had the responsibility? To show me what love really was, to teach me how to be unselfish, to give me strength and courage? That’s a lot for a little guy. But you have done it all! I knew real love when my eyes met yours for the first time. Life was no longer about me…it was about us. And you will never understand the strength I drew from you when life was unkind. Every year I get sad that you have grown so much, but this year, while I am nostalgic for baby days, I am proud! I am so proud of my son! You amaze me EVERYDAY! Watching you grown and learn takes my breath away!

You still have so much to learn. And not everything in life is fun. Or happy. And I think you are learning this already. But no matter what keep on being you. Stay true to yourself above all things. You have the world at your feet. You can go anywhere and accomplish anything. And I will always be your number one fan. When you need a laugh, when you need to cry, or when you just need a hug….you can always count on your Mama! I love you so very much my sweet boy! You will ALWAYS be Mama’s Baby!

Happy Birthday!

Time

 

I still haven’t figured out how to slow down time.  It has been close to a year since I posted on here and I am not going to say the same thing I did the last time it had been such a long window between postings. I love my blog and I feel like I have so many things I want to document and share, however finding time to actually put together posts often don’t make it past a thought I have. I think I need so set a small goal and try to post a new post once a week. That would be a baby step. Because now after almost a year I have million things I feel like I could document….and then I drop off the map. So here is to “trying” not to neglect this blog. And making an effort to document the happenings in our world!

So here is a little run down of the last year…

I became a mom of a middle schooler. Yikes! I turned 32. Double Yikes! I have become stronger in my faith. I have struggled with how to be a “mom” to my step son and overcome all of the many issues he has. I have fought hard to be a good wife. I have been a stay at home mom. I have spent a lot of time working on things that I never seemed to have time for before. I have had to learn to share myself…with the 3 children in this house and my husband. Although I feel like I need so much more work on giving my husband time. School is now out. My step son graduated high school! My son is a 7th grader and my baby starts her last year of elementary school…*sniffle sniffle* My other step son is in his last year of middle school. The kids are growing so fast and keeping me busy. But here is to trying to make use of the time I have…..and blog about what I am doing with that time!